The stars surprised me tonight.
The ridiculously cliche words “crisp, clear night sky” seemed to be exactly right at that moment. Startled, I breathed deeply despite myself.
I love pine. I’d forgotten that I love pine; pine is the scent of the stars. I’d forgotten that I love the stars, that I love the stillness of night and pausing to experience and to lose myself for a second. I’d forgotten all of it.
How could I?
In this moment I realized I’d become who I am not without knowing a slow death had happened. Looking back, it’s been so apparent. The sadness, hopelessness, negativity, and despair had taken over and began rewriting my views and future. Before I even knew who I’d become, I was already gone.
I had to smile tonight because it finally clicked – it’s not my circumstances that define, it’s Who’s inside. Here I thought last year was miserable because of all going on in my life.
But then tonight. Tonight, I came face to face with the fact that nothing had changed between this week and last except me and my heart. That’s it. The home the job the man the friends the past the plans the good and the bad – all the same.
I have changed.
And now I truly understand new life and identity in Christ. I am surprised by the smell of the stars again. That’s a great sign.
I’d also forgotten that I love to write…
(I noticed a moment, opened the blog, and freewrote…no illusions of grandeur on my end, so please no judgement on yours lol)